How to talk with this yesterday’s child? Then he is silent, then explodes in response to the slightest remark. Typical conflicts between adolescents and their parents are analyzed by the French psychiatrists Philip Gutton and Philip Tiamme.
They need to get used to their new body and appearance
80% of adolescents seek psychological help with these problems: the body scares them and they really do not like them.
They need to build a new relationship with adults
They communicate with adolescents as with equal, then as with children. It is very difficult to live in such uncertainty.
They are discouraged by the new state of the body
Hormonal changes give birth to new sensations, feelings. Love, jealousy, passion – they need to be survived to understand yourself.
He does not answer my questions
A teenager learns to create his inviolable interior space. It is not immediately possible to determine its boundaries, so he perceives adults as an invasion of “his territory”. Do not harass the teenager with questioning, but do not let him be silent when you ask “on the case” – for example, about what time he is going to return
in the evening.
He doesn’t tell me anything else
Father and mother for a teenager – “messengers” of childhood, from whom he is trying to separate, from which he wants to grow up sooner. He needs time to distance himself from us, and only after that he will begin to communicate with us. In the meantime, he prefers to trust his peers. Paradox: trying to establish a distance among themselves and parents, adolescents are simultaneously afraid to be abandoned. Find the right moment to start the dialogue and preferably the “neutral” plot-respond, for example, to his remark about the watched film or about someone from friends. Try not to be too persistent: adolescents are frightening and annoying the feeling that communication with them is too sharply necessary for parents.
I’m afraid to limit it in something, because it immediately becomes aggressive
Restrictions for a teenager are vital, but only justified and not too tough. They seem to confirm that he is not abandoned, not left to himself. Be consistent: what kind of faith is our words, if, reporting him for a risky ride on a skateboard, we ourselves, for example, dashing our own car at the wheel of our own?
When we do not limit adolescents at all, it seems to them that we have become indifferent to them, and from a sense of contradiction they behave defiantly. And this often leads to serious consequences – accidents, violations of the law. If a teenager becomes aggressive and you feel that you are afraid of him, seek professional help to a psychologist, a family psychotherapist.
He is rude to me
To be rude to parents, of course, great stupidity, because we are the “bit” on which the teenager sits. And the more he offends and humiliates us, the more he feels humiliated. But, trying to be tolerant in such cases, we provide him with a bad service. Teenagers are very susceptible to the “mirror effect”: the lack of restrictions, tolerance for their rudeness pose a question before them: do they respect them themselves? If a teenager is rude to you, gather your spirit and tell him directly about what you feel at that moment, that such a tone of conversation is unacceptable for you. Be consistent and, of course, seek help from professionals.
*Philip Gutton (Philippe Jeammet Philippe Gutton) – adolescents .